Following on from the adrenaline rush of the move, starting school and getting the house functional we’ve now moved into a new, slightly unexpected phase, I guess you could say we’re a little bit ‘post-partumy’ if one were to continue the labour analogy from one’s last post which one just might.

We always knew that whilst we actively wanted to downsize, this house as it stands is too small.  And dark. And overlooked by 8 sets of neighbours. And bathroom activities can be heard from 4 of the 5 other rooms, and possibly by all of the 8 sets of neighbours, who knows.  And Vince and I can’t get dressed / undressed in our bedroom at the same time because it’s tiny, and either way we have to close the blinds because…well…the neighbours.  And we miss people.  And the Little Chap misses having a bathtub, and hates the shower and howls like a wolf throughout each and every one.  And our soon-to-be 5 year old wanted a Ninja Minecraft birthday party but we don’t know enough small people locally to make that happen.  He also wants a sausage dog and, just like the party, that ain’t happening either.

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Nope! Stop looking at me with those adorable eyes.

There’s an irony that the stress and disruption of a move like this means you want nothing more than to have your friends and family close by to help shore you up, but by moving we’ve geographically forfeited that particular comfort (although thank goodness for two very old friends who happen to live fairly close by).  All of this is totally of our making but that doesn’t stop us from feeling sad and a little isolated at times (there may have been a moment of me silently crydriving us to school this morning).

But apart from that…yay.


Today has just been a low one for me, but there are tons of positives that on most days shine through the negatives.  We LOVE the village and are making connections with the locals on our high street, people are unusually friendly here. I’ve started running again, motivated by the fact that there is a park outside our front door. Vince has joined a local running group which he loves, and he’s also started a training course to give him a professional qualification to help him set up a community-focused business.  The Little Chap is thriving at school and we couldn’t be happier with things on that front.  Every day he reports his day has been ‘brilliant’ ‘fantastical’ ‘all roses’; he’s been awarded ‘star of the day’ on several occasions, with his TA quietly saying to him he’d get star of the day every day based on his consistent good behaviour.  Out of nowhere he can write his name and is learning his letters with gusto. And he’s starting to make a couple of lovely friendships, completely of his own volition.  He hosted his first playdate yesterday which went swimmingly apart from me burning the pizzas and setting fire to the pizza oven. The children voted with their feet and ran off to dress up as a tiger and a helicopter pilot, leaving their flame-grilled pizza’s mostly untouched.

We’ve also just found an architect who’s totally on our wavelength, who will help us shape this house into something more loveable which feels SO exciting…and SO expensive!!

I continue to work via Skype with three clients a week who chose to migrate with me from our work together in High Wycombe, and the transition to online counselling seems to be working well.  I am really missing my lovely counselling room but the beauty of Skype is I can carefully frame out the fact that I don’t have a client friendly space yet thus retaining a modicum of my usual professionalism, at least on screen.

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And so on the low days, we have to remind ourselves it’s only been a month and a full on mother-fucker of a month at that,  and even so we’re still moving forward, making plans, making friends.  We need to give ourselves a period of grace to adjust to this smaller living malarky and continue to trust that we will find our feet and make this work.

As I am often saying to my clients, when they come with a sense of urgency, it’s about us setting a realistic pace for change to take place; when they realise it’s not all going to get sorted in a session or two I can visibly see them relax into the work and that’s when we can really get started.  I probably need to follow my own advice.


Sweet puppy image source



8 thoughts on “Adjusting

  1. Wendy Spencer October 8, 2018 / 10:15 pm

    Brilliantly written. Honest and funny and insightful. I’m so happy I am one of the one’s who have greatly benefited from your move (closer to me) and pledge wholeheartedly to helping your transition to be as easeful as possible ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • Michaela Murphy October 9, 2018 / 9:45 am

      Thank you my beautiful friend, I don’t know what I’d have done without you ❤ xxx


  2. Barb McMahon October 9, 2018 / 1:45 am

    “I probably need to follow my own advice.”… I love the way you think!

    As one who has been settling in for a little over a year now, I can assure you that taking your time has its pleasures, difficult as it can be to trust that process. The three of you are wise. You will make this work.

    Now, about that puppy… 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Michaela Murphy October 9, 2018 / 9:47 am

      Ha! I know the puppy!!! Spike literally tells everyone he meets (shopkeepers, teachers you name it) that he is ‘buying a sausage dog with his own money’. We are managing his expectations as best we can!! And thank you for your words of gentle encouragement, I so appreciate them 🙂


  3. Maria Curry October 9, 2018 / 8:04 am

    I love your honesty in a world full of fake news – the new friends and colleagues you will undoubtedly meet will be lucky to find you in their lives – as for the building work its head down!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Michaela Murphy October 9, 2018 / 9:51 am

      Thank you Maria, I felt the urge to document that crappier bits too because there is so much gloss on social media which of course can be inspiring but also can make us all feel like we’re not good enough (and us counsellors love a bit of ‘good enough’!!) And thanks too for your kind words about making friends and meeting new people. And yup heads down when it comes to the wild disruption of the kind of thing we’re planning. I suspect in the process we’ll REALLY find out about ‘tiny house’ living when we’re banished to one room for months!!! xx


  4. marialeahey October 15, 2018 / 2:57 pm

    Love your writing, love your insights, love your family. I also love your teeny-tiny house and can’t wait to see the way you pull something “too far gone” into something fantastical from every angle. I rue the day when you complete every single house challenge put before you. HUG!


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